It’s heaps better than the original, and it’s TOTALLY FREE, but you can buy a high-resolution version if you like, and ALL THE ORIGINAL ART is available to buy also. Wowee! Right here is where also the info is, about that.

Hope you like it. And if you do, please spread the word. Thank you!

As you can see, Shruggenbee is still pretty quiet, and we don’t mind that at all. As the community grows and things get more lively, we’ll be happy about that too! So long as the tone of the place stays good and smart and nice. We’re looking forward to your brilliant contributions or really quite exceptional lurking. See you there!

I don’t think Bobwhite is very popular yet, which seems odd because not only is it about young American hipsters talking to each other and having relationships and problems and shit, it’s also funny and engaging! Come on, internet! Maybe it needs a wacky mascot. (Magnolia, you may use Nihilist Space Lobster if you wish.)

But WHOA HEY, while I’m on the unlikely subject of webcomics, here on this comics website, I’m gonna mention two more webcomics I like, that it would be a good time, right now, to start reading if you don’t already:

The wonderful Rene Engström recently finished the also wonderful Anders Loves Maria. You must have heard of Anders Loves Maria, but if you haven’t gotten around to reading it yet, now you can read the whole thing in an afternoon, from start to finish. No waiting anxiously for the next page; lucky you! (And pretty soon you’ll be able to buy the book.)

Gastrophobia is a charming and entertaining all-ages-almost comic by David McGuire. David has done a bunch of other comics; I’m gonna link you to Kiss-Kiss PANIC! because it makes me laugh so much. Anyway — Gastrophobia. It’s about a sexy, fat-legged Amazon called Phobia, her son Gastro, her slave Klepto, and their wacky adventures in Ancient Greece.

Recently, David finished the first ‘book’ of Gastrophobia (soon to be an actual book), but he didn’t make a big deal about it, and neither did anyone else so far as I saw. So, I want to make a big deal about it now! David started Gastrophobia only a couple of years ago, and now he’s got a completed book of about 150 pages — with a bold, unique, consistent style. He has accomplished this by just sticking to the project and working at it steadily, so maybe he doesn’t realise how impressive an accomplishment it is. But it is impressive; I’m impressed. Congratulations, David!

Gastrophobia is a quality comic, folks, and like Bobwhite, I think it could easily be much more popular than it is — so read it, and if you have a good time, spread the word.

As of now, if you donate $15 or $25 to this website, you can get a piece of original artwork, by me. Wow, that is FREAKING AFFORDABLE, and it includes postage! Your picture can be of anything you want. For example, if you wanted a picture of everything waving at you, it might look like this:

Read all the details on the donation page.

These prices might go up, as soon as I stop being so pathetically broke and desperate, so now is the time to click that PayPal button!

JUST IN TIME FOR CHRISTMAS?? (Yeah, maybe.)

Here’s a pair of rather excellent little sculptures made by Rahima Jackson, based on a strange sequence from an old Tobias & Jube comic. The subject matter is so obscure that I feel extra flattered. Some people are really into mushrooms, though!

Sam Glover put voices and music to the very first EEGRA Hilarity Comic, in this YouTube video whose shoddiness and uneven pacing make it, I think, more amusing than it might have been otherwise — which is quite amusing indeed.

Thanks, Rahima and Sam! You are so special that I wanna poke you playfully and go, “Boop!” My fans are the greatest fans; all other fans are weak and shameful. (Actually some of my fans are terrible, I’m pretty sure, but I’m not talking about those ones.)

Tootleg Boy is a collection of about 250 retarded, minute-long songs by Ben Hutchings, an exceptionally funny Australian cartoonist that you’ve never heard of because your head is up your arse. It is a CD full of MP3s and some other bits, and it looks like this:

You want to own Tootleg Boy because it is a wonderful object. It is — in the proper Hutchings style — chockers with hilarity. For instance the CD art is a Beach Boys Pet Sounds CD scanned in, and all the song titles edited to include the words ‘arse’ and ‘cocks’: Wouldn’t It Be Arse, God Only Cocks, etc. The highlight of the packaging is the lyrics booklet, which never fails to make me laugh as I read through it; laugh until my ribs hurt and my face goes numb and I have to take slow, deep breaths for a bit. Here is an excerpt:

Dick Master – I am Dick Master, I am the Penis King. I am not the king of bums or boobs or ball sacks. Come on baby let’s get jiggy yeah, come on babe feel my penis hair! Come on babe, let’s have a big fat root.

Danni Minogue – A magazine had on the front cover, Danni Minogue in leather and rubber. She has fake boobs, yuk. She does not do much except pose in magazines.

Ghosts – “Woo woo” goes the ghost who lives inside my house. You can see through it. He must be a demon from Hell. I sold my soul, oh yeah! I sold it. For $4.50 and a can of pepsi max.

It goes on like that, for several pages. Here is one of my favourites; I think it is genius:

Eight and Hot – I am eight years old and I’m feeling hot. What I really need is a middle aged wrinkly paedophile with a wife and kids. I get so turned on by fifty year olds. I am so happy they want to teach me how to love, how to fuck. They have coffee breath, they have flatulence. I love their brown slacks, I love old men. Now why can’t I be free to get fucked by some old, old wrinkly paedophiles?

If you don’t find that hilarious then I’m afraid Tootleg Boy might be a bit subtle for you. (I am serious.)

The other thing about the lyrics booklet is that some of the songs are illustrated, by the crème de la crème of Australian cartoonists, otherwise known as Ben’s friends. Me, Patrick Alexander, for example — I did a picture for a song called ‘I Am a Streetfighter’:

I Am a Streetfighter – I am a big streetfighter. I can smash your face. I don’t lose fights in the street coz God helps me get my pants on each day.

The actual songs are MIDIs plus mostly unintelligible text-to-speech singing — hours of it. It’s brilliant! I love Tootleg Boy because it is so completely, thoroughly daft and absurd: It shouldn’t exist as anything more than a silly idea in Ben’s head, quickly dismissed as pointless; as a dumb joke that would get old very quickly — but it does exist; it exists extremely. So Tootleg Boy is funny and brilliant just by existing. That it’s genuinely funny on top of that is just a bonus.

SO BUY IT, WILL YOU.

I was gonna say, “Buy his comics, too; he’s an under-appreciated genius,” but he doesn’t seem to have a shop on his website, so fuck you Ben. You can watch his videos on YouTube, though. And here too. Oh and right here:

** I MEAN RELEASE **

‘Hilarity Comics’ Returns With Vengeance, Slaughters Thousands In Bloody Reprisals

THE INTERNET, Computers – October 20 – Thinkers, artists and aesthetes shat their pants in unrestrained bliss today, upon learning that Patrick Alexander’s Hilarity Comics have returned to the internet. “Oh me oh my,” they went, rolling gleefully in their own wet filth.

Imagine the intensity of their incontinent squirtings when they learn that Hilarity Comics have not just returned, but returned TWICE! Oh, what a mess, what a mess.

* EEGRA, that website about videogames, will feature Hilarity Comics about videogames, like it did before! Except smaller!

* A second, parallel series of Hilarity Comics will appear at a brand new website, simply called ‘Comics by Patrick Alexander’, which also incorporates Raymondo Person (currently frustrated).

Here are the goddamned URLs!

EEGRA Hilarity Comics: http://comics.eegra.com/
Sexy new Hilarity Comics: http://hilarity.chickennation.com/
Comics by Patrick Alexander: http://comics.chickennation.com/

Cartoonist Patrick Alexander, described by onlookers as ’2 Legit 2 Quit’, emitted the following statement:

“Piss and farts and tits and balls –
“Hilarity Comics has it alls.”

* About Hilarity Comics *

Patrick Alexander’s Hilarity Comics were originally created for EEGRA, “the internet’s premier website for making you feel bad about liking videogames,” and read by probably about 250,000 self-hating nerds. Frequently described as the videogame webcomic for people who don’t play videogames, Hilarity Comics is now both not about videogames anymore and still about videogames, making that description even more paradoxical and confusing, and therefore apt.

* About Patrick Alexander *

Patrick Alexander spiller musikalsk gennemtænkt singer/songwriter pop/rock, med stor troværdighed og engageret intensitet, både når han fremfører sangene i et sparsomt akustisk set-up, og når han spiller med sit godt sammenspillede og kompetente elektriske backingband.

* Contact *

Madeline ‘Chicken’ Parmigiana, Public Relations
press@chickennation.com

Patrick Alexander, Cartoonist
panic@chickennation.com

###

EDIT: I’ve converted this page to a post, for organisational reasons. Exciting times!

Click on the tiny versions for bigger, lovelier versions.

* * *

I’ve sometimes thought about making a Raymondo Person videogame, but now I don’t need to, since Meepo has made pretty much the best one anyone could. Click on the image to play it! I don’t know how to embed Flash things properly! [added 3/9/2009]

* * *

Raymondo Person — A Critical Revue! by Jason Viola

Jason Viola (of Herman the Manatee) drags Raymondo Person into the gutter by making it all about exploding heads and eating guts and stuff. Totally gross, Jason. [added 3/9/2009]

* * *

A grim, troubled Raymondo Person comic by KC Green, in the style of Fletcher Hanks. I feel like this should be a poster on my wall. (If only I had a wall.) [added 11/6/2009]

* * *

A sexy and accurate drawing of me by the equally sexy and accurate Rebecca Clements of KinokoFry. This was created for The Sexy Men of Australian Comics 2009-2010 Financial Year Calendar.

* * *

The Ballad of Raymondo Person by Rene Engström

Another gorgeous painting by Rene Engström of Anders Loves Maria. What battered orphan did I feed and clothe to deserve this? This picture is the companion piece to Rene’s song of the same title, which you can find on the ‘Extras’ page.

* * *

A beautiful picture of Princess Daisy being sweetly fingered by yours sincerely, by the wonderful Rene Engström of Anders Loves Maria. This is the best picture in the universe! All other pictures must bow before this picture.